September 30, 2011

The Real Life

Over the last couple of months I have been thinking a lot about my future. It is highly likely that at one point in your life you will get extremely confused and frightened about your future. And mine has already begun. Every single day, the same old questions are reappeared in my head, like, what my life would be like in the next 5 years? am I happy with my job? can I get my master degree abroad? are my future husband's salary and mine going to be enough to fulfill our needs? can I pursue my dreams? Things are getting more puzzled when I don't know exactly what I want and become afraid to choose the wrong way.

Once, after I graduated, I was sure to prepare myself in order to get a master degree in abroad. But my plan has changed since I heard about what people said and their words are growing in my mind. One of them said, gw mau cari kerja dulu, supaya gw bisa tau apa yang benar - benar gw suka dan gw inginkan. baru setelah itu gw S2. gw ga mau ilmu S2 gw sia-sia. While the other said, kalo udah S2 itu malah semakin berat bebannya. Setelah lo balik, pasti lebih besar tekanan buat cepat dapat kerjanya. And the bold words are the main reasons why I am not so sure to continue my study in the near future before I get the appropriate job. But I am not so sure either to have work experience in a long time, because I realize that to study abroad and get the scholarship for it, is seriously not easy. Like my mom always reminds me, kalau kamu serius mau S2 ya harus mulai persiapan dari sekarang. Minimal persiapan untuk S2 dan beasiswa itu setahun. Hence, I have to find the job that would fit me best. 

As most people say, looking for the right job is like looking for a future husband. We will only take the one we love and comfort with. But how can we know? It can only be answered when we attempt to live with them. Unfortunately, we have our limits and we can't spend most of our time to try from one to another. So that, we should think twice (or more) before decide. And here I stuck with my own limitation to think before I apply for a job. It seems like there always something doubtful in every job that makes my mind become different EVERYDAY. I have been influenced a lot by various different people at various different talk and perception. I've tried over and over again to ensure myself to focus on one thing. But, every time people said A, I'm gonna think again about it, then agree with them. And when the other ones said B, I do the same thing. Yeah, you can call me plin - plan, so much.  

But after all of that confusing days, tired with my own fear and try to find out why I became so frightened and anxious like this, I know I forgot one thing. Totally believe and surrender to God. Humans can only plan, but the rest is up to God's will. He determines everything. And eventually, I feel much relieved. I know I gave my best efforts to pursue what I want right now. So, there is nothing left to do but pray and being sincere with His will.   

 Say: "Nothing can happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us. He is Our Master. It is in Allah that the believers should put their trust." (At-Taubah : 51)

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