You are three months old today, and I’ve lost track of the days and weekends because everything went by so fast. Maybe that’s why I’ve started to feel conflicted; torn between I'm excited to see you grow each day and I don’t want you to grow up so quickly.
This past month I’ve watched you progress so much. You no longer look like a newborn; you’ve grown in so many ways. Clothes that were huge on you a month ago now fit you perfectly. You’re already aware of the camera when I take photos or videos, and you can even smile for it. You soothe yourself by sucking your thumb, which also signals to me that you're getting hungry, before you finally let out a big cry. You use different kinds of whines to tell us what you want, but my favorite is the little pout that follows — I never knew a pout could be THIS cute! :")
It’s also amazing to hear you coo in so many new ways, with different sounds and intonations. You smile a lot (and it's truly the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen) and often followed with a laugh that shows your whole toothless mouth — sometimes with a sound, sometimes without. Whatever form it takes, each conversation with you is definitely my favorite part of the day. And as you’ve become chubbier than ever, I adore you most right now. You are the cutest thing ever. I want to kiss, hug, and squish you every time I see you!! :"""")
If there’s one thing I’ve been grateful for from the day we brought you home until now, it’s your ability to adapt to the world around you. You can fall asleep easily in my arms, in your crib, or between me and your Baba. You're always happy to be fed, whether nursing in my arms or taking a bottle from others. You’re not easily distracted by light, sound, or temperature; even when people talk beside you, you can sleep deeply. You don’t cry when it’s too hot or too cold — your body simply shows the signs. The list of things I’m grateful for goes on, but it's safe to say that one of the main reasons I’ve been able to bounce back over these three months is because you’re such a good baby, K.
And as he has grown so much this past month.. I have grown too.
I’m no longer afraid of the night. I accept whatever comes after it — whether I get more or less sleep, whether I wake up fresh or sleepy, whether my body aches from yesterday or develops a new soreness. I don’t depend on weekends or the “right time” to find joy anymore. I embrace the ordinary life at home while doing things that make me happy — not just as a mother, but as a person. Some of these pleasures have been with me since before K turned one month: watching series and movies I hadn’t had a chance to see, ordering my favorite food or trying new ones, reading books I haven’t finished yet, and chipping away at my work. I never thought I would say this, but I feel so lucky to have a job that keeps me busy in a flexible way as it helps me stay grounded while learning to be a mother.
This month I’ve also realized more and more that he has changed me into someone I wouldn’t be if it weren’t for him. I didn’t use to talk much, but over these three months I’ve talked a lot to help him learn to speak. I didn’t usually document things, but my phone’s photo library already has hundreds of pictures of him—because I don’t want to miss a single milestone or moment before he grows into the next version of himself. I never thought I’d enjoy playing with babies or kids, but he is my exception. I’m always looking for ways to entertain and educate him so he won’t get bored and will stay on track with his development.
I’ve heard other mothers say their child is their whole world.
To be honest, before becoming a mother I didn’t fully understand. But now —even after only three months— I can’t imagine my life without him. It feels like my life’s purpose is, if not solely, then primarily, for him.
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