12.02 AM

Do you ever get to the point where you just want to crawl into bed and ignore the world until the time came to do it all over again? These days, every time I wake up, I feel empty... like a library without a single book, like a container without nothing inside. It is as if the blankness finds its way into my heart and remains there until the exact time no one knows. These are the days when I feel the urge to fill my stomach as an act of filling the emptiness somewhere inside of me. The days when I want to be hurt, just because I don't know any other way to cry and let out this emptiness. In day light hours, I can refuse the thought and fill the emptiness with piles of works to do, or people to talk to. But at night, it would consume me a hundred times worse. I try to close my eyes but can't fall asleep. My whole body is dying to rest, while my mind is wide awake. There's this whole confused mess swirls in my brain and my head feels as if it's about to burst. I try to clear my head, blank everything out, but it's not easy. 

I know there are some things I can never assign to oblivion, nor rub away. I remember I had something too complete, too perfect that I didn't care about other people's feelings. Until I receive this karma, and afterwards all I could do was blaming myself for my past mistakes. Maybe that's why I'm being punished now, why I'm under a kind of curse. I know, there's nothing I can do about it. I just need to accept the fact that universe serves me the revenge that I deserve and forge on a head. Like Robert M.Drake once said, "one day you will make peace with your demons, and the chaos in your heart will settle flat. And maybe for the first time in your life, life will smile back at you and welcome you home".