The Second Month

Today marks the second month since our little cimol arrived. This second month feels so much better in every way. It seems that we are slowly finding our rhythm in this new life, and I dearly hope it continues this way. Even K has started to understand and adapt, helping us along the way. Maybe that’s why time suddenly feels like it’s racing by—weeks turning into a month. And within this short time too, we’ve already shared so many first moments with him.

His first smile—the tiny ones and the big, heart-melting ones. His first time outgrowing clothes and moving up a size. His first awareness of different sounds, especially those that resemble animals. His very first injection, which amazed us because he cried only briefly—far less than during a diaper change. His first little “conversations” with us, filled with long, sweet coos. And his first trip outside the house (other than to the hospital), where he mostly slept through the adventure. But once he woke up, his eyes opened as wide as they could—full of wonder at the new things surrounding him

We’ve also learned about his favorite spots in the house where he loves to gaze for so long. We’ve seen how he’s beginning to enjoy bath time, how much he dislikes being woken in the middle of the night for diaper changes, how he prefers exploring the house during his wake windows rather than tummy time, and how enchanted he is by the melodies that come from the little bird-shaped musical toy.

On the other hand, some things remain the same. The little anxiety that comes each night as I wonder how it will go. The constant worry over every tiny change: like the shift in the color of his poop, the small red dot on his face, or his weight staying the same for a few days. The stiffness in my shoulders and arms. The dizziness from the lack of sleep. And now, as the time to return to work draws closer, I feel haunted by the thought of how I will balance motherhood and work—and what it will feel like to spend most of the day without K by my side.

But then, I see those eyes gazing at me with wonder and love all at once. I see those smiles, so pure (and making him a hundred thousand times cuter!). I see those tears that I can’t bear to watch fall. And in those moments, I realize that motherhood is something I never knew I would enjoy this much.