May 25, 2016

Vending Machine

As I wrote this post, I was sitting at one of my favourite cafes. I decided to unwind after reading and citing journals for almost an hour and a half. I sipped the last drop in my cuppa, a “Hello Sunshine”, which I ordered out of intrigue for its name (and luckily it tasted as good as its name). I don't work often from a cafe or coffee shop, but this time I just couldn't help myself to stop by to have my favourite cheesecake brownie after attending a meeting. Besides, more recently I've come to realise that sometimes I need a change of work environment as an escape. In this way, I see it as one way to help me from not getting carried away with my own thoughts.  

Despite my big effort to stick and do all my daily tasks, I have actually been struggling to maintain my focus on work at hand without getting distracted by many things in mind. There are times when I try to keep working, but it usually ends up worsening the condition. I am suddenly lost, and it feels like I am drowning in my own thoughts. And after a while, without even realising, I would find myself staring at a journal that I was reading on my laptop screen, or to the sentences that have not been finished yet. Only and simply staring at those words, with my mind already gone into elsewhere. Since these cases have happened for quite some time, I know I need to change the way I work to remaster my as of late becoming rather hard to control brain.   


Perhaps it's because of my Italy road trip that was really a kind of contemplation and turning point for me. Not only did it gain me a new perspective, but it also affirmed my heart to believe in things that I had been previously uncertain of. It feels like I am finally at the moment when I have reached almost the highest level of happiness; the moment when all the burden on my shoulders are lifted and my head is cleared from all negativity. And thus, it all inspires me to write many things. That or maybe because I didn't realise at the time that there are so many thoughts that have been accumulating in my mind all this time. Some of them have been discounted for weeks, months, and even years. I have ignored most of them because I am aware that they are very complex and difficult to put into words. But now, it feels like those thoughts are surging again into my mind, all at once. 

I cannot tell you that this is a bad thing. Indeed, I am deeply grateful that it seems like inspiration always does come to me. I have already written more than ten posts-worth of drafts on my blog, all manifestations of varying thoughts. Most of them have been written in a shorter time than others just because I don't intentionally spare my time to write them now. I just need to get them out of my mind and to get my focus back on my work. I decided to write them either on the draft, note on my phone, or a piece of paper; every time they start to distract me while I was working. Some of them even could be extended into many more pages (and even a book, I guess), if only I had the time to keep writing. As far as I remember, I have never been through times like this; times when my brain seems like a vending machine and my thoughts like the bottles of cokes inside. Once you insert several coins, a bottle downs; and as just as fast, another bottle drops in its place. When one of my thoughts has been conveyed into words, as soon as it reached the last sentence, the other thought immediately appears with perfect clarity.

No comments:

Post a Comment